Edin Dzeko’s elaborate time-wasting efforts at Everton in 2014 have gone down in Manchester City folklore
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Heading to Merseyside for a key fixture in the title battle, with Liverpool waiting to pounce on any slip-up.
Manchester City are in a position where they need to puff their chests out to show they are ready and up for the fight.
Or, maybe they could just have a nice lie-down…
If that sounds like a terrible idea, it’s time to refresh your memory of Edin Dzeko’s inimitable exploits at Goodison Park in May 2014.
Admittedly much closer to the end of the season and, therefore with higher stakes, City needed to beat Everton to maintain the edge over Brendan Rodgers’ Liverpool.
They did just that, with Sergio Aguero cancelling out Ross Barkley’s excellent opener before a Dzeko brace proved decisive in a nerve-shredding 3-2 win.
However, an elite striker scoring twice in a huge game is bread and butter stuff. What Edin did later on, starting in the 79th minute truly went above and beyond.
He did, well, nothing. And here's how he did it.
78:19 – Dzeko receives a pass from Fernandinho in the Everton D but loses possession because Aleksandr Kolarov runs into him. Standard mayhem from everyone’s favourite rocket-footed left-back but it should be pointed out he’d come on as a substitute in midfield, so it wasn’t that ridiculous.
78:24 – Scampering back to dispossess fellow goalscorer Barkley, Dzeko attempts to make a challenge around the midfielder while also grabbing at him. This means when he slips, he lands face first on the turf. He doesn’t move.
78:27 – Referee Lee Probert adjudges whatever that was from Dzeko to be a foul and stops play. The Everton defence start to walk up to set their line higher up the pitch for the free-kick but there’s something in the way.
78:32 – Antolin Alcaraz reaches down and taps Dzeko on the left shoulder. He stays on the floor wincing. We’re going to be here a while, folks.
79:13 – On the Sky Sports coverage, Martin Tyler has decided it’s best to ignore what already looks like an overly-wrought amateur dramatics performance and is prattling on about City’s squad depth. Not missing a beat, the director pans to the bench where Alvaro Negredo is sitting behind the injured Aguero, who looks both baffled and amused by what his strike partner is up to.
79:29 – There are three Everton players standing around Dzeko now, who almost looks like he’s sobbing into the turf. Kolarov has decided to have a row with Probert for no apparent reason. Still no sign of any medical staff for a man in such obvious distress.
79:35 – “They're not getting up for the ball quick enough, they’re getting distracted by things,” says Gary Neville of City, realising there might never be a more fitting moment to make such a point.
79:46 – Vincent Kompany is here! Kolarov is ushered away by a man more familiar with the art of diplomacy. Probert has a yellow card out, holding it, weirdly, behind his back. “I’ve got a surprise for you, Edin…”
79:51 – The mask slips as Dzeko looks up from the turf at Probert with an expression that says “Oi, I’m pretending really hard to look like I’m badly hurt. What are you doing?” The striker’s face emerging draws pantomime cheers from the crowd. He stays lying down.
80:10 – A pathetic take on a Mexican standoff is now well underway. “If Dzeko gets up he looks a fool, if Lee Probert lets the physio on then he’s going to look a fool,” says Neville.
80:32 – Kolarov has gone to the bench for a drink but another full-back with a wand of a left-foot is on the scene. Leighton Baines bends down and says something into Dzeko’s ear, then stands up looking aghast. It’s now a bit like the video for Just by Radiohead.
80:36 – On come the St John’s Ambulance crew. The away supporters roar. Tyler solemnly tells the television audience that the stretcher-bearers are “innocents in this”.
81:03 – Edin has rolled onto his back now and is talking to the City physios, presumably struggling to describe nothing, in particular, being the matter. Kompany and Probert continue to gesticulate.
81:58: Four St John’s Ambulance workers, four Everton players Kompany and Probert remain around Dzeko. David Silva has been and gone. The stretcher isn’t down and ready to use because, well, is there really any point?
82:14 – Javi Garcia does a little knee-high jog in the centre-circle to keep warm. It’s the fastest he’s moved all season.
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82:20 – Joe Hart goes to rally the rest of his teammates. Neville believes Kompany should be doing likewise but why should he miss out on all the fun?
82:24 – He lives! Dzeko is up and walking and booked and booed, having taken four minutes out of the game. It’s a wasted journey for the St John’s Ambulance folk.
82:33 – Edin gingerly and carefully lifts up his troublesome left shoulder. Our hero is going to carry on.
Aftermath – Dzeko completes the 90 minutes and starts four days later against Aston Villa. His two goals inspire a 4-0 win and take City to the brink of the title.
What are your favourite memories of Edin Dzeko? Follow the City Is Ours editor Dom Farrell on Twitter to get involved in the discussion and give us your thoughts in the comments section below.
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